Autobiography of Mark Twain. Volume 2 / Benjamin Griffin and Harriet Elinor Smith, editors ; associate editors, Victor Fischer, Michael B. Frank, Sharon K. Goetz, Leslie Diane Myrick.
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- ISBN: 9780520272781
- ISBN: 0520272781
- Physical Description: xix, 733 pages, 16 unnumbered pages of plates : illustrations ; 27 cm
- Edition: The complete and authoritative edition.
- Publisher: Berkeley, CA : University of California Press, 2013.
- Copyright: ©2001
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General Note: | A publication of the Mark Twain Project of the Bancroft Library. |
Bibliography, etc. Note: | Includes bibliographical references(665-695) and index(697-733). |
Formatted Contents Note: | List of Dictations -- Acknowledgments -- Autobiography of Mark Twain -- Explanatory Notes -- Appendixes 00 Samuel L. Clemens: A Brief Chronology -- Family Biographies -- Previous Publication -- Note on the Text -- Word Division in This Volume -- References -- Index. |
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Subject: | Twain, Mark, 1835-1910. Authors, American > 19th century > Biography. |
Genre: | Biographies. |
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AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF MARK TWAIN VOLUME 2
By BENJAMIN GRIFFIN, HARRIET ELINOR SMITH
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA PRESS
All rights reserved.
Contents
List of Dictations......................................................... | xiv |
Acknowledgments............................................................ | xvii |
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF MARK TWAIN................................................ | 1 |
Explanatory Notes.......................................................... | 457 |
Appendixes................................................................. | |
Samuel L. Clemens: A Brief Chronology...................................... | 649 |
Family Biographies......................................................... | 652 |
Previous Publication....................................................... | 656 |
Note on the Text........................................................... | 661 |
Word Division in This Volume............................................... | 663 |
References................................................................. | 665 |
Index...................................................................... | 697 |
CHAPTER 1
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OFMARKTWAIN
Monday, April 2, 1906
Government of new Territory of NevadaâGovernor Nyeand the practical jokersâMr. Clemens begins journalistic lifeon Virginia City EnterpriseâReports legislative sessionsâHeand Orion prosperâOrion builds twelve-thousand-dollarhouseâGovernor Nye turns Territory of Nevada into a State.
PROMOTION FOR BARNES, WHOMTILLMAN BERATED
Had Woman Ejected from White House; to be Postmaster.
MERRITT GETS NEW PLACE
Present Postmaster at Washington to be MadeCollector at NiagaraâPlatt Not Consulted.
Special to The New York Times.
WASHINGTON, March 31.âPresident Roosevelt surprised the capital thisafternoon by announcing that he would appoint Benjamin F. Barnes as Postmasterof Washington, to succeed John A. Merritt of New York. Mr. Merritt, who forseveral years has been Postmaster here, has been chosen for Collector of the Portof Niagara, succeeding the late Major James Low.
Mr. Barnes is at present assistant secretary to the President. Only a short timeago he figured extensively in the newspapers for having ordered the forcible ejectionfrom the White House of Mrs. Minor Morris, a Washington woman whohad called to see the President. What attracted attention to the case was not theejection itself, but the violence with which it was performed.
Mrs. Morris, who had been talking to Barnes in an ordinary conversationaltone, and with no indications of excitement, so far as the spectators observed, wasseized by two policemen and dragged by the arms out of the building and acrossthe asphalt walk in front of the White House, a distance corresponding to that oftwo ordinary city blocks. During a part of the journey a negro carried her by thefeet. Her dress was torn and trampled.
She was locked up on a charge of disorderly conduct, and when it was learnedthat she would be released on that charge a policeman, a relative of Barnes's, wassent to the House of Detention to prefer a charge of insanity against her so that shewould have to be held. She was held accordingly until two physicians had examinedher and pronounced her sane. He was denounced by Mrs. Morris, by various newspapers,and by Mr. Tillman in the Senate.
The appointment of Barnes to be Postmaster so soon after this incident has createdendless talk here. It is taken to be the President's way of expressing confidencein Barnes and repaying him for the pain he suffered as a result of the newspapercriticisms of his course.
Orion Clemens again. To continue.
The Government of the new Territory of Nevada was an interesting menagerie.Governor Nye was an old and seasoned politician from New Yorkâpolitician, notstatesman. He had white hair; he was in fine physical condition; he had a winninglyfriendly face and deep lustrous brown eyes that could talk as a native language the tongueof every feeling, every passion, every emotion. His eyes could out-talk his tongue, andthis is saying a good deal, for he was a very remarkable talker, both in private and on thestump. He was a shrewd man; he generally saw through surfaces and perceived what wasgoing on inside without being suspected of having an eye on the matter.
When grown-up persons indulge in practical jokes, the fact gauges them. They havelived narrow, obscure, and ignorant lives, and at full manhood they still retain andcherish a job lot of left-over standards and ideals that would have been discarded withtheir boyhood if they had then moved out into the world and a broader life. There weremany practical jokers in the new Territory. I do not take pleasure in exposing this fact,for I liked those people; but what I am saying is true. I wish I could say a kindlier thingabout them insteadâthat they were burglars, or hat-rack thieves, or something likethat, that wouldn't be utterly uncomplimentary. I would prefer it, but I can't say thosethings, they would not be true. These people were practical jokers, and I will not tryto disguise it. In other respects they were plenty good enough people; honest people;reputable and likable. They played practical jokes upon each other with success, and gotthe admiration and applause and also the envy of the rest of the community. Naturallythey were eager to try their arts on big game, and that was what the Governor was. Butthey were not able to score. They made several efforts, but the Governor defeated theseefforts without any trouble and went on smiling his pleasant smile as if nothing hadhappened. Finally the joker-chiefs of Carson City and Virginia City conspired togetherto see if their combined talent couldn't win a victory, for the jokers were getting into avery uncomfortable place. The people were laughing at them, instead of at their proposedvictim. They banded themselves together to the number of ten and invited the Governorto what was a most extraordinary attention in those daysâpickled oyster-stew andchampagneâluxuries very seldom seen in that region, and existing rather as fabrics ofthe imagination than as facts.
The Governor took me with him. He said disparagingly,
"It's a poor invention. It doesn't deceive. Their idea is to get me drunk and leave meunder the table, and from their standpoint this will be very funny. But they don't knowme. I am familiar with champagne and have no prejudices against it."
The fate of the joke was not decided until two o'clock in the morning. At that hourthe Governor was serene, genial, comfortable, contented, happy, and sober, althoughhe was so full that he couldn't laugh without shedding champagne tears. Also, at thathour the last joker joined his comrades under the table, drunk to the last perfection.The Governor remarked,
"This is a dry place, Sam, let's go and get something to drink and go to bed."
The Governor's official menagerie had been drawn from the humblest ranks of hisconstituents at homeâharmless good fellows who had helped in his campaigns, andnow they had their reward in petty salaries payable in greenbacks that were worth nextto nothing. Those boys had a hard time to make both ends meet. Orion's salary waseighteen hundred dollars a year, and he couldn't even support his dictionary on it. But theIrishwoman who had come out on the Governor's staff charged the menagerie only tendollars a week apiece for board and lodging. Orion and I were of her boarders and lodgers;and so, on these cheap terms the silver I had brought from home held out very well.
At first I roamed about the country seeking silver, but at the end of '62 or the beginningof '63 when I came up from Aurora to begin a journalistic life on the Virginia CityEnterprise, I was presently sent down to Carson City to report the legislative session.Orion was soon very popular with the members of the legislature, because they foundthat whereas they couldn't usually trust each other, nor anybody else, they could trusthim. He easily held the belt for honesty in that country, but it didn't do him any goodin a pecuniary way, because he had no talent for either persuading or scaring legislators.But I was differently situated. I was there every day in the legislature to distribute complimentand censure with evenly balanced justice and spread the same over half a pageof the Enterprise every morning, consequently I was an influence. I got the legislatureto pass a wise and very necessary law requiring every corporation doing business in theTerritory to record its charter in full, without skipping a word, in a record to be keptby the Secretary of the Territoryâmy brother. All the charters were framed in exactlythe same words. For this record-service he was authorized to charge forty cents a folioof a hundred words for making the record; also five dollars for furnishing a certificateof each record, and so on. Everybody had a toll-road franchise but no toll-road. But thefranchise had to be recorded and paid for. Everybody was a mining corporation, and hadto have himself recorded and pay for it. Very well, we prospered. The record-service paidan average of a thousand dollars a month, in gold.
Governor Nye was often absent from the Territory. He liked to run down to SanFrancisco every little while and enjoy a rest from Territorial civilization. Nobody complained,for he was prodigiously popular. He had been a stage-driver in his early daysin New York or New England, and had acquired the habit of remembering names andfaces, and of making himself agreeable to his passengers. As a politician this had beenvaluable to him, and he kept his arts in good condition by practice. By the time he hadbeen Governor a year, he had shaken hands with every human being in the Territory ofNevada, and after that he always knew these people instantly at sight and could call themby name. The whole population, of twenty thousand persons, were his personal friends,and he could do anything he chose to do and count upon their being contented with it.Whenever he was absent from the Territoryâwhich was generallyâOrion served hisoffice in his place, as Acting Governor, a title which was soon and easily shortened to"Governor." Mrs. Governor Clemens enjoyed being a Governor's wife. No one on thisplanet ever enjoyed a distinction more than she enjoyed that one. Her delight in beingthe head of society was so frank that it disarmed criticism, and even envy. Being theGovernor's wife and head of society, she looked for a proper kind of house to live inâahouse commensurate with these dignitiesâand she easily persuaded Orion to build thathouse. Orion could be persuaded to do anything. He recklessly built and furnished ahouse at a cost of twelve thousand dollars, and there was no other house in that sagebrushcapital that could approach this property for style and cost.
When Governor Nye's four-year term was drawing to a close, the mystery of why hehad ever consented to leave the great State of New York and help inhabit that jack-rabbitdesert was solved: he had gone out there in order to become a United States Senator.
All that was now necessary was to turn the Territory into a State. He did it without anydifficulty. That patch of sand and that sparse population were not well fitted for theheavy burden of a state government, but no matter, the people were willing to have thechange, and so the Governor's game was made.
Orion's game was made too, apparently, for he was as popular because of his honestyas the Governor was for more substantial reasons; but at the critical moment the inborncapriciousness of his character rose up without warning, and disaster followed.
Tuesday, April 3, 1906
The Barnes incident againâBarnes appointed to postmastershipof WashingtonâMr. Clemens prepares speech on King Leopoldof Belgium, but suppresses it after learning that our Governmentwill do nothing in the matterâIntends to speak at MajesticTheatre on "The American Gentleman" but is defeated by lengthof first part of programâTheodore Roosevelt the AmericangentlemanâMark Twain letter sells for forty-three dollars at NastsaleâReport cabled that Mr. Clemens was dying, in LondonâReportersinterview him for American papers.
BARNES'S APPOINTMENTANGERS WASHINGTON
"White House Strong-Arm Methods," Says a Local Newspaper.
SENATE MAY HOLD IT UP
New Postmaster Characterized as aCarpetbaggerâCitizens Say Selection Is an Insult.
Special to The New York Times.
WASHINGTON, April 2.âThe President's selection of Benjamin F. Barnes,his assistant secretary, to be Postmaster of Washington has raised a storm. It isbeing criticised as a "carpetbag" appointment, Barnes being a New Jersey man.Members of the House and Senate criticise it, and it is reported that an effort willbe made to defeat the confirmation.
The feeling on the subject is shown to-night in the appearance of The EveningStar, the Administration's strongest supporter in the city press. The Barnes matterbreaks out all over the paper. First, there is a cartoon representing the Presidenthanding the District of Columbia an April fool cigar, which explodes, the faceof Barnes appearing in the smoke, while the President shouts "April Fool!" Nextthere are three columns of interviews with prominent citizens of the District andmembers of Congress, all condemning the appointment.
The leading editorial article is devoted to the subject, and says that thePresident has rewarded "his tactless and too strenuous bouncer" by giving him theWashington Post Office at double his present salary. The Star says:
"There remain, logically, to be rewarded at the expense of the District, thepolicemen who shared with Mr. Barnes the honors in the Morris drag-out. Whatshall their harvest beâa local Judgeship, Commissionership, or Superintendencyof Police?"
The Star prints a string of clippings from other papers ridiculing the appointment.Then, all over the editorial page are scattered detached paragraphs like these:
The application of White House strong-arm methods to the local PostalService may relieve the patrons of the office of the necessity of licking theirown stamps.
Much as Oyster Bay approves of the President it would rise in indignationif he used his influence to supplant its local men in local offices.
The April Fool wag becomes less violent as the years go by. His style ofhumor is but seldom exploited to any shocking extent. The recent appointmentof a Postmaster for Washington offers a contrary argument, but it isonly one of those exceptions which prove the rule.
When in future your letters seem to have been hit by a cyclone, passedthrough a train wreck, and run through a sausage machine you will knowthat they have come out of the Washington Post Office. But don't go to thePost Office to complain unless in need of exercise. Ladies should observeextreme caution in this matter.
Some of the President's local proteges are as enthusiastic for Mr. Barnesas they were for the whipping post not long ago.
There is a strong feeling that in the matter of appointments Niagara Fallshas very much the better of the transaction.
The last reference is to the transfer of Postmaster Merritt to Niagara Falls tomake room for Mr. Barnes. Finally The Star prints letters from citizens to the editorprotesting against the appointment.
Among the interviews with prominent citizens is one with R. Ross Perry, aleading lawyer, who says: "Apparently the President thinks this district should begoverned as the Romans governed a conquered province." D. William Oyster callsit "an insult to our community." Mason W. Richardson says: "We seem to have norights that are worthy of respect." John Ridout says, "in view of the temperamentof Mr. Barnes, as disclosed in the Morris incident, the prospect for satisfactoryinterviews between him and citizens acting in the exercise of their right to criticisethe administration of his office is not encouraging."
So far as I can remember, I have kept track of the Barnes incident by occasionallyinserting an informing clipping from the newspapers. If anything is lacking from thisprocession of signal-posts it is the President's letter of some weeks ago. Maybe I insertedit. Possibly I didn't. But it is no matter. Either way will do. It was splendidly brutal,frankly heartless. It contained not a word of pity for the abused lady; and an equallystriking feature of it was that it contained not a word of pity for the President himself.Surely everybody else pitied him, and was ashamed of him. It contained not a word ofrebuke, nor even of criticism of Barnes's conduct, and its approval of it was so pronouncedthat the spirit of it amounted to praise.
And now the President has appointed this obscene slave to the postmastership ofWashington. The daring of itâthe stupid blindness of itâis amazing. It would beunbelievable if it emanated from any human being in the United States except ourincredible President.
When Choate and I agreed to speak at Carnegie Hall on the 22d of January, alongwith Booker Washington, in the interest of his Tuskegee Institute, I at first took thatthief and assassin, Leopold II King of the Belgians, as my text, and carefully prepared aspeechâwrote it out in full, in fact, several weeks beforehand. But when the appointeddate was drawing near I began to grow suspicious of our Government's attitude towardLeopold and his fiendishnesses. Twice I went to Washington and conferred with theState Department. Then I began to suspect that the Congo Reform Association's convictionthat our Government's pledged honor was at stake in the Congo matter was anexaggeration; that the Association was attaching meanings to certain public documentsconnected with the Congo which the strict sense of the documents did not confirm.A final visit to the State Department settled the matter. The Department had kept itspromise, previously made to the President and to me, that it would examine into the matterexhaustively and see how our Government stood. It was found that of the fourteenChristian Governments pledged to watch over Leopold and keep him within treaty limits,our Government was not one. Our Government was only sentimentally concerned,not officially, not practically, not by any form of pledge or promise. Our Governmentcould interfere in the form of prayer or protest, but so could a Sunday-school. I knewthat the Administration was going to be properly and diplomatically polite, and keep outof the muddle; therefore I privately withdrew from the business of agitating the Congomatter in the united States, and wrote the Boston branch that I thought it would be apity to wring the hearts of this nation further with the atrocities Leopold was committingupon those helpless black natives of the Congo, since this would be to harrow upthe feelings of the nation to no purposeâsince the nation itself could do nothing savethrough its Government, and the Government would of course do nothing.
(Continues...)
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